Chuck vs Couples Night
by fAteD lOvE
Summary: DUCK. The first of it's kind. The sacred union of Chuck and Devon. Captain Awesome's first mission in the spy world! Be afraid. Be very afraid.


FL has finally done it. Wrote the thing I KNEW you were all thinking about since the start of Chuck mythology.

DUCK.

That is, the sacred union between brothers, specifically, Chuck and Devon.

So read on, and be wow'd.

Disclaimer: this is where the disclaimer should be.

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Chuck vs. Couples Night

-

Chuck felt his world crumbling down on top of him.

Oh god, all the tax dollars he'd filed, the burden of the Intersect he'd bore for the United States government with minimal complaint, the mortal danger he found himself in several times a week.

This was how they repaid him.

"Mr. Bartowski," The General's irritated voice breaking through his internal monologue, as she leaned forward to stare at him, "Do you understand?"

Chuck's had already begun to sweat, and he saw Sarah try to calm him with a touch on his hand from beside him, but of all the things he had been asked to do; jumping off roofs, holding up terrorists bent on blowing up the world, this- he couldn't do.

"What- what about Casey?" Chuck asked, gesturing at the smug Casey.

Beckman looked almost pleased with herself as she spoke, "Colonel Casey is your back-up. Agent Walker will be in the surveillance van."

Chuck wished he hadn't been such a nuisance to the General before this; today was surely her way of revenge.

"Do I strike you as a gay man, Bartowski?" Casey growled, "Be a man and serve your country," Seeming to think about it for a moment, he corrected, "Or not so much a man…"

Scratching his head, Chuck looked at his handler, "Do you really want me to answer that question, Casey?"

"Gentlemen," Beckman interrupted, forcing Casey to draw back his curled fist, "This briefing is over."

Chuck turned before the screen eclipsed into inky blackness.

"Better go ask your boyfriend out now, numb-nuts," Casey chuckled gruffly, stopping abruptly when Sarah shot him a dangerous look.

Sarah stepped closer as she looked at Chuck encouragingly, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"What, jealous already, Walker?"

Casey almost skipped out as Sarah moved to draw her gun threateningly.

Chuck tried to look less pathetic as she took his hand after they were left alone in the room, "I'd rather you not see my attempt to hit on my own species, Sarah."

He swore Sarah tried to hide a smile when she started up the stairs towards the exit of the Castle. "I'll drive you, then."

"You just want to spy, don't you?" Chuck called at her.

Sarah simply smiled.

-

Chuck cleared his throat loudly.

"Devon."

His sister's boyfriend turned around, carrot stick in his mouth and eyebrow cocked ridiculously high in question, "Chuck-meister! How's it hanging, bro?"

Chuck grimaced as he muttered, "The wrong way."

"What was that?" Devon called, shaking the protein drink vigorously.

"Nothing, nothing… uh, you know about my other job," Chuck started with a low voice, even though Ellie was at the hospital, "You know… _that_ job?"

Captain Awesome nearly dropped the carrot in his eagerness, his attention fully on Chuck, "Ah yes, _that_ job," He winked at Chuck knowingly.

"Well, you see," Chuck took a deep breath, wiping his hands on his pants, "Tomorrow night, I need-"

"Woah!" Awesome shouted, holding up his hands, "I thought this was need-to-know? I don't want to get you in trouble!"

Chuck laughed nervously, "This _is_ a need-to-know situation. So, I need a…. male companion. To go to this… thing at 9. Casey's backup, so he can't come with me…"

Dimly, Chuck heard stifled laughter, and he bet with his life that it was Casey eating popcorn while watching him set up his play-date, with Sarah standing amusedly behind him.

"Are you asking me out?" He asked accusingly, then Devon's face lit up as he held his hand up in a high five, "Awesome bro! Guy's night out. Should've said it straight up, Chuck, anything for family."

Chuck smiled, his lips stretching as his eyes widened, "Great," He deadpanned.

-

"Chuckles!" Devon exclaimed as he climbed into the back of the van with Chuck and Sarah. He was wearing a pink dress shirt with grey slacks, and Chuck didn't know whether that was instinctive, or Devon had something to tell them all.

Sarah returned his hug, glancing sideways at a petrified Chuck, "Hey Devon."

"What's wrong with him?" Devon asked, "Does he need a check-up?"

Chuck shrunk back as Devon held out his hands, "No! Nope, I'm- I'm fine," He stuttered with a weak smile, "Just peachy. No need to touch."

"Why are you wearing that flower on your lapel?" Devon asked, pointing at the hideous pink plant on his clothing.

A harsh bark came from up front, "I put it on him. It's a microphone, should blend in nicely, where you're going. Won't it Chuck, dear?" Casey asked sweetly.

"Where are we going anyway?" Awesome asked, his jaw dropping as they rolled into a specific district, "Chuck." He stated disbelievingly, "Are you for real?"

Chuck pulled at his collar, "Uh, I'm just your pretend boyfriend for tonight, Devon, no, I'm a full red-blooded heterosexual male."

Casey snorted.

"Shut-up, Casey," Sarah warned, fixing up Chuck's collar.

"What," Her partner sneered, "When has he ever proven you wrong?"

Devon just looked from one to another, as Chuck went a deep red. Sarah looked away, lips pressed together.

"Wait," The captain said slowly, pointing a finger from one to the other, "So you two… you haven't actually-" He made awkward movements with his fingers as Chuck coughed loudly.

"Here we are," Casey said cheerfully when he parked into an empty space in the least obtrusive place, "You kids have fun in there."

Chuck swallowed at the sign, 'Couples night'.

Sarah looked encouragingly at him, nodding at a confident Devon.

The man stood, stretching and pulling Chuck up with him, ushering him towards the exit of the car.

"Well Chuckles!" He announced, as he stood tall with his hands on his hips, "If we're gonna do this, we'll do this right."

Chuck jumped a foot into the air when a hand clasped over his rear end. His whole body felt like it was doused in chilly water as he leapt away, stumbling out onto the pavement, "Hey now!"

Spluttering laughter came from the van, the female tone unmistakable, but the doors closed before he could give a retort.

"Was that really necessary? I'm not really comfortable with close male contact with questionable intentions." Chuck told his future brother-in-law, expression freaked out and mind bringing up memories of the tango they'd shared before.

Devon leaned in uncomfortably close, nearly pinning Chuck between himself and the van, his hand planted above the shorter man's head, "We're like _family_, Chuck. You hug Ellie, don't you? I'm comfortable with my sexuality," He announced, "Except at that strip poker night with your creepy co-workers…" Devon trailed off with a bemused look, pursuing his full upper lip in consternation.

"Get going, lover boy," Casey's voice cackled through the earwig, and Chuck jerked again, startled out of his wits. "Your night of intense seduction won't wait."

Chuck squeezed out of Devon's grip and breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, you can be the woman," Devon stated as they walked towards the entrance of 'Lovely Harry'. He slipped his arm casually around Chuck's waist, seeming unaffected by the touching of their hips, "And-"

Chuck tried not to cringe, "Why am I the woman?" He asked petulantly, moving Devon's hand firmly off his buttock.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" Casey mocked, and Chuck was tempted to throw the earwig out and stamp on it.

"This is it," Chuck whispered as they stepped out of the underground tunnel, into a dim room full of smoke and multi-coloured lighting, barely clothed males doing a choreographed dance sensually on a stage at the far end while gay couples sat together along the bar and separate tables.

Chuck averted his eyes as one particular pair started getting amorous several feet in front of them. A man with tight jeans and eyeliner came up to them, swaying on his feet, "Hey beautiful," He said, eyes crossing so much Chuck didn't know which one of them he was talking to exactly.

He could even feel Devon falter beside him.

"We're together," Chuck said quickly, "Isn't that right… sweetheart?" He said to Devon.

Devon kissed Chuck on the temple with an uneasy laugh, as the man staggered away. "Yeah,_ lover_."

Chuck pulled Devon tighter against him, not wanting to loose his sister's future husband, "Stay close," He warned, watching warily as men started staring at both of them.

"Getting possessive already?" Casey laughed.

"Ignore him," Chuck heard Sarah say calmly over her headset before he heard a strange whimper from Casey before it went very quiet. "Now," Sarah continued from before after the pause, "Look around for Carlo. When you've ID'd him, get out, because he has bodyguards, and let Casey take over. He'll be in position… soon."

Chuck began scanning the room, "Copy," He said, trying to keep his lips still.

"That guy could do with a good ginseng shake," Devon muttered, "Look at the bags under his eyes."

He nudged Chuck, "Look."

Chuck's eyes fixed on the short man who was leaving through a side door and flashed at the side profile.

"Carlo," He gasped, "It's Carlo."

Devon followed him quickly, an anticipating look on his face, "Come on, Chuckles."

Chuck tugged back on Devon, but got dragged along, "Devon! Casey'll deal with it. We got to get back to the car!"

Captain Awesome laughed, "It'll be okay, Chuck, I'm a pretty fit guy. I can hold my own."

They stopped frozen as they walked through the door a few seconds after the male sex slaves dealer.

"Not with them, you can't," Chuck hissed as they gawked at the massive men who were about to turn at his voice.

Devon slammed him against the wall in a split second, his eyes wide. "Kiss me!" He hissed urgently in a low voice.

"No!" Chuck said, horrified, "You can't cheat on Ellie with her own brother! That's sick!"

The other man looked into his eyes as if they were lovers, aware they were being watched, and his grip tightened on Chuck's shoulders in panic as distantly they heard a man shout.

Suddenly Sarah's voice came through, "Just pretend it's… Lou. Or whoever," She urged, as Chuck squeezed his eyes shut.

_The sacrifices I make for America_, Chuck thought as Devon's lips came down on his roughly.

"Translation: Walker means she wants you to imagine you're kissing _her_," Casey giggled through the earwig, but Chuck heard his feet pounding against the floor as he rushed to them, "Are his lips soft?" He asked snidely.

_Don't freak out, don't freak out, don't throw up…_

Chuck almost screamed when he felt Devon's tongue against his lip, he opened his eyes and squinted, but the bulky man who must have been hired… definitely was not gay, and he turned away with a barely disguised look of disgust.

Devon turned more insistent when Chuck kept his lips sealed shut like the seal on a toxic gas canister.

"Ah, young couple in love," Came a voice beside them.

Chuck pushed Devon away and forced himself not to wipe his mouth frantically. Carlo stood a meter away, and Chuck suspected him of perving on them while they had… he couldn't say the word… had _mouth-to-mouth_ contact.

"Hi," Chuck said, jutting his hip out like he'd seen other men do outside as he leaned his weight on one leg, "I'm Zoolander."

Devon looked at him strangely, "I'm… D- his boyfriend."

"Nice to meet you," Carlo said as he stepped towards Devon. He traced a finger down his chest, and Devon's eyes were huge when he looked to Chuck for help.

Carlo spoke, "I'd love to see what's under there," He purred, undoing one button on Devon's tucked in shirt, "I adore a built man," He said as he looked at the bit of muscled abdomen displayed.

Chuck shimmied a little in front of Devon as he spoke, "Uh, I- uh, we don't do that kind of thing. You know, share."

The other man laughed, his voice tinkling as he peered at Chuck, "Ah, you. You're a beautiful one. Luscious Greek curls," He commented, reaching up to Chuck's head.

"Really?" Chuck asked curiously, ignoring the nasty laugh Casey sent him, "Wow, thanks."

"Chuck, don't let him touch your curls," Sarah's voice told him a little stiffly.

"She's jealous," Casey whispered conspiratively, "She's afraid you'll find your true calling."

Sarah barked at her partner, "You're on an open line, Casey. I _can_ hear you."

"Duck," Casey told him matter-of-factly.

"What?" Chuck asked wildly, "Are you naming our pairing? Because I prefer Chevon, just saying-"

Casey yelled, his voice transmitting through the speaker and through the air as he charged through the door, "DUCK! Moron!"

Chuck pushed Devon down, covering his body with his own as he held his hands over his head; the splinters from the wall bouncing off them as Casey systematically took the four men surrounding Carlo down before they were able to recover from their shock, distracted with the interaction that had happened just before.

Devon stared up at him, lips parted.

_Tender lips,_ Chuck thought, before he willed himself to forget the fact that their packages were pressed very awkwardly together, as well as their whole bodies.

"I kissed you," Devon said, "I. Kissed. You," He repeated disbelievingly.

Chuck grimaced again as he responded, "I need to scrub my mind clean."

Casey yelled at them to get up, moving to restrain the overweight human trafficker while Devon pushed himself up, lifting Chuck together in one motion.

"Score!" Devon shouted, pumping his fist, "That's something else to cross off my list."

Chuck stared at him, "You had kissing me on your to-do list?"

Devon bellowed out laughter as he clapped Chuck on the shoulder, "Nah, this was my bucket list before I met Ellie… but it's still nice to know I can cross it off. Live life to the full, as they say!" He declared.

"Devon?" Chuck said, "This is uh… need-to-know. Ellie doesn't."

-

"Hey guys," Ellie looked up from the tv as Chuck and Devon made their way into the living room.

Expecting a kiss, Ellie looked puzzledly at Devon when he walked past with just a peck on the cheek and a 'Hey babe'. "Why are you back so early?" She asked, "I thought you had a guy's bonding night."

Chuck just mumbled something under his breath while Devon searched through the fridge.

With a shrug, Ellie just passed their odd behaviour off, "Uh," She waved her hand back at the kitchen, gluing her eyes on _Brokeback Mountain_, "I left you both some duck from the local Chinese."

"No!"

She looked at them strangely, the guilty expressions on both men's faces as they looked at each other, their skin gone frighteningly pale.

Chuck's grin wavered as he spoke, "No, no. It's _fine_, we already had something to _eat_," He choked on eat, before plunging on, "I'm not really hungry... for quack," He said tightly.

-

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Lol. Who loves a bit of awesome?!

Don't they look like such a pretty couple? Just look at my (TwotoTenth's actually) avatar!

Keep an eye out for the WHO ARE YOU challenge entries coming sometime this week when I fix everything up. Twenty-three chapters from your favourite authors all in one fic, all in one day :)


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